Ah, braising. Undeniably the best way to cook all things meat, especially….ESPECIALLY beef. A while back I experienced David Chang’s famous short ribs. God, they’re marvelous. They’re also chock full of soy–and sesame,  so it was swollen tongue city for me after that mouth excursion.

A few months later, I found myself a-hankerin’ for these short ribs. Know what I was not craving? Benadryl. Then, just how I see all my other culinary creations come to life, the words “dr pepper braised short ribs” came to mind. Oh my gaaaawwddd! Genius! I Googled this creation, found a recipe…but saw some definite room for improvement, at least on my dork end. Off to the grocery store (uh, I know Brooklyn has a Fairway…but can we get a Wegman’s? Mayyyybe?), back to the kitchen, and a long while later,  onto the plate. Onto nice white plates I plopped tender pieces of sweet, spicy beef, crowned with a reduction sauce, adorned by garlic roasted mashed cauliflower and roasted asparagus. You see that picture up above? That’s what we ate that night. A week later, I made it for my new step family in Michigan to rave reviews.

The best part about these short ribs- besides their cut-with-a-fork tenderness , their rich flavor- totally dork friendly.

Oh, you want the recipe?
Here it is, adapted from here.
don’t be daunted by the amount of directions. Just follow exactly what I say, and you’ll be absolutely fine.

2 tbsp olive oil
1.5 lbs beef short ribs
salt & pepper
2 cups chicken or veal stock (veal will add a rich depth to the braising liquid, but chicken is good too)
10 cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 cups chopped yellow onion — one and a half big onions should get you there
8 cups Dr. Pepper
2 tbsp ground dark coffee
1.5 cups, separated into 1 and .5 portions, barbecue sauce (Sweet Baby Ray’s is Worcestershire sauce-free [aka safe for seafoodtards], really cheap and very good.)
2 tbsp + 1 tsp dark chilli powder
5-6 dried guajillo peppers, seeded, stemmed and torn into small pieces

1. Season short ribs with salt and pepper.

2. Add olive oil, heat on medium high in a gigantic pot with a lid. Sear short ribs on all sides, then remove.

3. Now add onions, garlic, chili powder and coffee. Sautee until translucent.

4. Place short ribs back into gigantic pot. Pour in the 1 cup of barbecue sauce, the 2 cups of stock and the 8 cups of Dr. Pepper. Sprinkle the dried chili pieces on top.

5. Put lid on pot. Walk away. Paint your nails. Write an essay. Call your mom. Check on the ribs every thirty minutes or so, stirring, you want the ribs to be falling-off-the-bone tender, like, cut with a fork tender, like, soft like a baby’s head tender. You’re looking at a good hour, hour and a half

6. Once the ribs are to your tenderness-liking, remove them from the pot. The braising liquid should have reduce by half, possibly more. Set the ribs aside. You’ll heat them up a little bit later for serving.

7.  Take the sauce off the heat, and strain to produce a smooth sauce. Then return the strained sauce to the pot. Add the half cup of barbecue sauce at this point. Reduce to half again.

8. Does the sauce stick to the spoon? Can you run your finger on the back of the spoon and see where you swiped it? Good. Add the short ribs and cook in the sauce for a few minutes, just to warm it all back up.

9. Serve with plenty of sauce and lots of greens.

We drank this with a really passion fruit-y New Zealand cab sauv with raspberries. I know reds go with beef…but you know, it was actually a pretty perfect pairing.

This dish is:

• peanut and tree nut free.
• seafood free!!
• gluten and wheat-free
• egg and milk free, hallejuah.
• not quite David Chang’s soy-braised, but lord, they’re very, very good.

PS :
if you’ve got leftovers, you can make this hash for brunch (sans poached eggs if you’re egg tarded like me.) :

Just chop up the remainder of the short ribs, toss with salt, pepper and some chopped, cooked potato (mashed potato, mashed cauliflower, old French fries, anything works as long as it’s a starchy veggie!) and cook in a skillet for 2-3 minutes on medium high heat with a little bit of oil. I served this with the cold roasted asparagus I made and poached eggs for the non-eggtarded boyfriend at brunch. Super great, I promise!

P.P.S. bonus–if you have a ton of dr pepper  left over, you can simply boil it and reduce it to half. The syrup goes great with your favorite non-dairy ice cream!

What you see here is Tate’s chocolate chip cookies (they make a gluten-free version, wheatards!), with So Delicious’ green tea coconut-based ice cream, drizzled with aforementioned Dr. Pepper syrup and frozen Charleston chew.

Remember these? I do. I hadn’t really thought about them until a friend of mine recently said she was on the chia seed diet.

Whaaat?

Then, I saw that there were all sorts of chia-based drinks coming out. Even GT’s Synergy Kombucha-my favorite- has a whole line of chia-filled kombuchas. Okay, what’s this chia stuff about? I decided to look into it.

According to this article, chia seeds are one of the newest trends in weight loss and nutrition. Because the seeds are like sponges, they expand in any sort of liquid, turning drinks into gel-like substances. And because they’re so high in fiber, they’re filling. I wasn’t so interested in the weight loss thing, so I read on. Supposedly, an ounce of chia seeds has a whopping 11 grams of fiber. That’s about 41% of your daily needed fiber. Dang! Furthermore, they’re high in omega fatty acids, calcium and protein.

Before I developed my seafood allergy, I often took fish oils to supplement my needs for omega-3s. And I was always a little calcium deficient, as, after all, I am the queen of lactards. So imagine my surprise and delight when I found out I could feed these deficiencies with a little bit of ch-ch-chia! Just, um…how am I supposed to eat these things?

Enter chia pudding. I’d heard about it, but never tried it. So, I did. I tried it and failed each time, coming up with hunks of seeds with a pool of blackberry coconut milk. Ew. Then, I had this ingenius thought at about 2 in the morning, grabbed a tupperware container, and started to shake, shake, sha-shake it:

I found the pudding easiest to make this way while getting ready for bed. Here’s my recipe for Blackberry Coconut Chia Pudding. It’s an awesome nutritional powerhouse, supplementing a lot of deficiencies we have naturally as food dorks. It’s raw, which might delight some. And it’s tasty, which should delight all.

BLACKBERRY COCONUT CHIA PUDDING

7/8 cup of coconut or other non-dairy milk
5 fresh or frozen blackberries
3 tablespoons chia seeds
Agave nectar and fresh blackberries for garnish
Small container with lid- Ziploc makes really cute “XS” containers for this.

1. In a blender, pour in coconut milk and drop in blackberries. Blend until smooth.

2. Scoop mixture into small container. Stir in chia seeds until well mixed. Top with lid.

3. Shake every five minutes or so, for about forty minutes. This is why I recommend doing your dishes, homework, etc while you are shaking. Multi-tasking FTW.

4. You can eat immediately, or store overnight to eat in the morning- that’s what I do. Garnish with a little agave nectar and some fresh blackberries.

Yum! Aaaand, you’re done. It’s a very filling, satisfying dessert-for-breakfast. You’re being trendy and healthy. Who’dathunkit.

This recipe is safe for:

• lactards and eggtards. hey! it’s vegan!
• no seafood, but plenty of those coveted omega-3s.
• no wheat, no gluten. rejoice, glutards.
• no peanuts or tree nuts. that’s what I’m talkin’ bout.
• and thankfully, no soy. hurray!

Holycrapwhatatoughwinteritsbeen. I’m so serious. My astrologer (GO SEE HIM if you live in New York. Eric will change your life)  told me at the beginning of January that this winter would be a rough one because of Mars going retrograde. He wasn’t wrong. I went from bronchitis to chronic migraines to flu to cold to stress to a new job. I’m finally doing what I love- nannying and cooking- and I couldn’t be happier. And since I’m happier (and Mars is out of retrograde!), I decided to bring it back to y’all with a heaping of stuff I’ve been loving lately. 

COLD BREW FRENCH PRESS COFFEE

What can I say? I have a busy lifestyle. Caffeine is my best friend. I’ve got a huge crush on Stumptown. But, for some odd reason, hot coffee rubs me the wrong way. Call me a puss, but cold coffee just really gets me the right way. French press? Um, hi. And cold brew? Cold brewing has less acid and lets the notes of your coffee really shine through.  Plus, with this buddy, I can make it the night before, press it in the morning, and wham-o: iced coffee. Instead of brewing it the night before, and it getting all cooked and stuff, it’s just sweet and smooth. The way the inventor of caffeine intended. I like mine black, or if I’m feeling really saucy, some coconut creamer. Be wary of the coconut creamer, though, if you’ve got a sweet tooth like me,  you might find yourself drinking it from the carton! Bodum’s cold brew coffee press is a worthy investment for any iced coffee connisseur…and especially this summer. Mine is lime green. Get yourself one.

Buy it here.

NEOSPORIN OVERNIGHT LIP RENEWAL TREATMENT

Seasons changing, heater to fan, and lipstick abuse (guiiiilty) can wreck your lips. How uncomfortable are chapped lips? So uncomfortable. This stuff is phenomenal. It’s under ten bucks, comes in a tiny little container. You slather it on your lips at night (after you floss and moisturize, of course) and wake up with a perfect pucker. Yes, you too, dudes, can enjoy freedom from corpse-like lips with this stuff. You’re welcome.

Find it at Duane Reade, Walgreens, etc.

Jay Wolman’s FARM & FIELD

Y’all know I like to stay on the cutting edge, and I want to keep you there too. My friend Jay is a fellow foodie, sans food allergies. He and I can shoot the shit about peppers and organic vodka and chicken wings for days. Why? Because he’s talented, a.,  and b., loves food as much as I do. Oh, and c., is one of those people with a naturally clean, inventive palate.  That’s important. He is also good-looking, like me. Half-kidding. His instagram (thebeardedhound, stalk away, guys) is like Playboy for your mouth. Kid is talented, and is finally putting it on the internet for us all to see. It’s just a little blog baby, so be gentle, but stay tuned. It’s not entirely dork friendly, but it is pretty, and his recipes are pretty adaptable to any dietary needs. Jay’s stuff is a lot like mine: fancified comfort food made with good ingredients and weird little twists. PS, dork alert, his recipe for ramp and goat cheese pesto is nut-free. Heeellll-o.

Add this to your RSS feed immediately. The world needs more food porn. And Farm and Table is just what we all needed.

GOURMET KALE CHIPS

“Kale is the new spinach,” my dear friend Eleni told me. She’s so right! Kale is so trendy right now. Unlike most ephemeral things, however, kale deserves its good rap. And best of all? Dork. Friendly. Especially if you make it at home. A lot of the kinds in stores are up to $9 a bag, and slathered in cashews. No, thank you. Not for this nuttard. You CAN make them in your oven, by setting it to 270 degrees and baking til crisp (anywhere from 6-10 minutes) on a cookie sheet, but I prefer to use my dehydrator. By the way, you need a dehydrator. They’re like $30 and pay themselves off in no time. Fruit chips, besides kale chips, should be your new jam. They’re even easier than fresh fruit to carry around, keep for weeks, and are useful in everything-from compotes to sauces to garnishes to snacks. Anyways, kale chips are so the jam that even my mom is into them. A lot of people mess solely with the sea salt and olive oil kind–I prefer to get fancy. Here are some ratios you can try out on your own (and they’re all vegan, or vegan-izable):

Dairy-free Parmesan & Truffle: 1 bunch kale, torn into bite-sized pieces + 3 tbsp nutritional yeast + 2 tbsp truffle oil+ salt to taste

Barbecue: 1 bunch kale, torn into bite-sized pieces + 2-3 tbsp barbecue sauce + 1 tbsp olive or canola oil

Salt and Vinegar: 1 bunch kale, torn into bite-sized pieces + 3 tbsp vinegar (apple cider or white wine is best) + 2 tbsp coarse sea salt

Pizza: 1 bunch kale, torn into bite-sized pieces+ 2-3 tbsp tomato sauce + 2 tsp oregano or Italian seasoning + 1 tbsp olive oil + 2 tbsp nutritional yeast + 2 tbsp salt and pepper, to taste

Coconut & Agave Caramel: 1 bunch kale, torn into bite-sized pieces + 3-4 tbsp (or even 1/4 cup, if you like it like that) agave nectar+ 1 tsp cinnamon + 3 heaping tbsp of shredded coconut…toss with dark brown sugar if you’re feelin’ crazy.

The possibilities are endless. Go for it. Tell me about what you make. Love it.

BROOKLYN STAR

Roasted bone marrow with fleur del sel & parsley on Texas Toast, chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes, gravy & apple-bacon cabbage.

I’m going to get a little Brooklyn-centric for a minute and rave about my new favorite restaurant. It’s not entirely dork-friendly, but there are options for all dorks. Southern food is my thing. In culinary school, I’d always lean toward crazy Southern food for market basket challenges. One time, my food was referred to as “the lovechild of Thomas Keller and Paula Deen” (I blushed). Brooklyn Star kills it every time. The ambiance can be romantic or perfect for parents. The cocktails, oh, the cocktails. And listen, glutards, they have Doc’s Hard Cider on tap. I’ve had things from deep-fried pigs tails to tripe chili frito pie to roasted bone marrow. Best of all? A-F-F-O-R-D-A-B-L-E. Brooklyn Star is one of the most underrated places in New York, and worth a visit next time you’re in Williamsburg.

Brooklyn Star is located off the Lorimer stop on the L train, in Brooklyn, at 593 Lorimer Street.

BOOKS…SET IN THE 80s

Blasphemous, I know, but pity me : I love reading on my iPad. First world problems. Whatever. I’ve had a hard time with reading comprehension my entire life, and for the first time, I’m actually remembering plot, characters, their development. And I’m reading at a rapid rate. Technology is cool. Hate on me all you want. Anyways, I really just got into books set in the 80s. I just finished The Marriage Plot a couple of days ago. Ever seen The Virgin Suicides? It’s by that guy, Jeffrey Eugenides. The Marriage Plot is a great read, thick but palatable, a good love story that isn’t filled with roses and chocolates–it’s realistic and has tons of New Wave music & Barthes references. Pick up a copy for your e-reader or beach tote this summer…it’s a good one. The first satisfying love story I’ve ever read in my 18 years of reading. I finished that, now I’m binging on Bret Easton Ellis. American Psycho, anyone? Gory, but good. I’m just so into stories set when I was fetus, or when my mom was my age. Any suggestions? I’m loving the references to Reagan and stirrup pants in my current reading choices.

NICKI MINAJ’S “BEEZ IN THE TRAP”

Nicki Minaj has been around since 2007, guys. Shocking, I know. She’s not just all “Super Bass” and weird wigs. I’ve been a fan since her mixtape with Lil Wayne five years ago. While I’ve loved “Right Through Me” and “Your Love”, “Stupid Hoe” made me want to smash my head on my kitchen table. Even if she looked awesome. So, imagine my delight and surprise when “Beez in the Trap” came out. I honestly thought it was about bees in crackhouses at first. I was wrong…anyways. The video is a little dark, the beat very simple, but when I found out what the song is about–I was really crazy about it. “Beez in the Trap”, says Nicki,  is “a saying I am always. That’s our slang way of “I beez doin such and such” so it’s like I’m always in the trap. Now the trap, ladies and gentlemen, refers to anywhere that you get your money.” (the video below is NSFW, btw)

Hustle hard, y’all. Work hard, get paper, translated: do you and do what you love, the benefits rule, don’t listen to anyone else. Just Beez in the Trap.

There you have it. Things I’m super-into right now. Lip balm, coffee, Nicki Minaj, kale chips, 80s books. You should be into them, too.

‘Til next time.

PS: I got my culinary degree! Finally! For Realsies!

Pie is very important. I’m serious. At least at this time of the year. No, scratch that, pie is important year round. In the summer there’s strawberry-rhubarb, cherry, blueberry. In the fall, apple and pumpkin. And in winter, mincemeat and…wait! I can’t have pecan pie. Neither can you. Crap.

When I was younger (and not tree nut-allergic), I used to make chocolate pecan pie for every holiday.  Oh, it was so fantastic. Gooey and nutty and chocolatey. But after the whole nut allergy thing, I kind of put it on the back burner. There were other desserts that could satiate my sweet tooth without sending me to the hospital. This Thanksgiving, I decided it would be different. I was going to make my chocolate pecan pie…without pecans.

Y’all know how much I love sunflower seeds. It’s almost unnatural, the amount of sunflower seeds I consume. I swear, I’m like a bird…or something. So, instead of pecans, sunflower seeds were a natural first choice for a substitution. And you know what? It worked. Well. Really well.

The substitution for nuts was easy. But what about the pie crust? And all of its gluten-y, egg-y, dairy-filled ways?

Pfffft!

It was right there on my box of rice flour. This making an-old-classic-into-a-new-dork-friendly-favorite was getting to be too easy.

So I set to work. And here’s the recipe so that you can, too.

Chocolate Sunflower Pie
adapted from The Chocolate Bible

For the filling:
2 cups sunflower seeds, roasted and unsalted
1 cup Enjoy Life chocolate chips, melted
6 tablespoons soy-free margarine
3/4 cup brown sugar
3 eggs worth of powdered egg substitute
2 tablespoons dairy-free milk–coconut recommended
1/4 cup white rice flour
1 tbsp vanilla

For the topping:
1 cup sunflower seeds

For the crust:
1/2 cup Spectrum soy-free shortening
1 1/2 cup white rice flour
2 tbsp water

1. First, before you do ANYTHING, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

2. So, yeah, you’ll need to prepare the crust. Work the shortening into the flour. Once it’s holding together a bit, add the water. Keep kneading and pulling until it’s a nice, soft ball.

3. Roll the dough out into a large circle and line a pie pan with the dough. On top of this, place parchment paper and dried beans. If you don’t have those things laying around, you’ll be okay. But it’s preferable to blind bake with the dried beans. Anyways, bake the pie crust for about 10, 15 minutes–get it a little solid, a teensy bit brown. Set it aside to cool.

4. In a new bowl, cream together the soy-free margarine and sugar. While you’re doing this, melt the chocolate.

5. Add vanilla, egg substitute and dairy-free milk. Mix well.

6. Now, slowly pour in the sunflower seeds, the rice flour, and then the chocolate. Blend, blend blend.

7. Scoop into pie crust. Smooth the top and cover with sunflower seeds.

8. Return to oven and bake for 55 minutes.

9. Let cool and serve with your favorite dairy-free ice cream.

This recipe is:

• Great for the holidays! And every day. Because you never need an excuse for pie.
• tree nut and peanut free.
• fish and shellfish free.
• no soy!
• no dairy! no eggs!
• ohh…and it’s gluten-free. Hiii.

I’ll admit it. I’m a carnivore. A full-blown cavewoman! I like filet mignon, leg of lamb, bacon, veal sausage, bacon, bacon, anything that was once alive grilled, and bacon. I have a poster of all of the prime cuts of beef hanging on refrigerator.  But, as much as I love meat, I also realize the need for an occasional vegan meal. I also recognize a curry craving when I have one. Behold, my dorky adventure in kind-of Indian, totally vegan dinner food. Did I mention how incredibly cheap this whole meal was? Like, under $5 cheap. Cheap, vegan food. How can you say no?

I’m serious, how can you say no? 

Okay, I’m serious. Do you want the recipe? The recipe I’m giving you will feed two very hungry people, or you can double it for for a family of four.

You’ll need:

• 1 potato, chopped and parboiled
• 1 large apple, chopped, medium dice
• half a yellow onion, chopped, small dice
• 1 15 oz can of chickpeas
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 1/4 cup sunflower seed butter
• 1 cup non-dairy milk (I prefer coconut!)
• a pinch or two of brown sugar
• salt as needed

Alright, let’s get cookin’!

Gather your parboiled potatoes.

Chop up the apple. Add a dash of lemon juice if you can–this will help prevent browning!

Onion is next. Chop out that rage!

Rinse those chickpeas!

Yes, Mom, I know I need to clean my stove. Someone come over and clean my stove before my Mom is here next weekend, please? Anyways, heat up a skillet with either soy-free margarine or canola oil. Add the onions and saute ’til translucent.

Add potatoes and apple. Continue sauteeing!

Add curry powder to skillet, not to stove, as shown here. I am very clumsy. Why did they let me graduate culinary school again? Anyways. Toss around, coating the apples, onions and potatoes with curry. This would be a great time to season with a bit of salt.

Measure out that coconut (or soy, or almond, or rice milk!) milk. You’re gonna be using it quite a bit comin’ up.

While you’re at it, get the sunflower seed butter ready, too. Alright. You ready? Let’s do this.

Add about a good 1/4 cup of the coconut milk. Stir, and let simmer for a bit. Add the chickpeas. Once the coconut milk has reduced, add a little bit more coconut milk–another 1/4 cup, as well as the sunflower seed butter. Stir well to incorporate. Keep adding the coconut milk until your product looks like this:

Mmm… you’re not quite done yet. When the chickpeas are nice and tender, add a pinch’a'salt, and a little bit of…

Brown sugar! Just a pinch or two. Sweeten it to your liking, or not at all. It’s up to you.

Check out how I put curry over my entire kitchen. I am obviously a ballerina in the kitchen! Serve this hot. I ate it without rice, because I’m a weirdo that doesn’t like rice. But I imagine rice noodles or Basmati rice would be just delightful under this hearty dish. And let me tell you, there’s leftovers for days. If you are a pathetic single (but catless!) person like me, you have every single meal for 3 days straight.

This dish is pretty easy, really tasty and vegan. You could always carnivore-it-up with some lamb or chicken, but I say stick with Meatless Mondays, and try this baby out. It’s dork-friendly and feeds an army. What’s not to like! Oh, and if you’ve got an apple allergy–just leave out the apples. Try butternut squash instead.

These chickpeas are safe for those with allergies to:

• soy!
• peanuts and tree nuts!
• eggs and milk!
• fish and shellfish!
• wheat! yup, gluten-free.

So it’s over. I’m officially done with classes at The Institute of Culinary of Education. After months and months of chopping, blanching and sautéing, I’m here. I’m sitting here writing to you about what I’ve been up to since the day I was given my toque. Not only will I tell you about what a culinary school’s graduation is like, but I’ve got 2 great new dork-friendly recipes for you to try out with your dinners this fall.

Alright, so you wanna know how the very first day of the rest of one’s culinary life begins? Eight AM, you’re in your kitchen, preppin’. In my class, people worked in teams or by themselves. Me, personally; I chose to work by myself. I made roasted Brussels sprouts with pancetta (totally dork friendly!) and red velvet whoopie pies with sweet marscapone (nut-free, seafood-free and sesame -free). But it wasn’t just about finely mincing the garlic, or whipping the filling. It was all about the plating too. Check out my cute little dishes for the sprouts!

Um, did I mention I had to make EIGHTY of these little dishes? Yup. Here are the whoopie pies I made. They went pretty quickly.

Anyways, after hours and hours of cooking and assembling little dishes and smushing cookies together, I plated all my goods together and they are put on display in a huge room. The guests will be coming soon, and I’ve got to go get dressed! After rushing to curl my hair, slap some on lipstick and shimmy a dress on, I head to the reception to meet with some friends…and the lone family member, my upstanding, amazing Grandmama (thanks for the pictures!).

For about two hours, there’s an open bar (no hooch, of course, but plenty of suds and vino to go around), and everyone walks around sampling each other’s dishes. I had rabbit burgers, seasonal soups in shot glasses, strawberry-jalapeno sorbet. Pork belly confit with salted caramel! Plantain mousse! Needless to say, there was plenty to eat. After all the food was gone, and all of my classmates had left, I hitched a cab home and slept off 9 straight hours of cooking, schmoozing and eating.

A few days later, my friend and I headed to Smorgasburg. Smorgaburg is an awesome food market full of all kinds of treats. Some are dork-friendly, some are kind of dork-friendly, and some….well, some might require an epi-pen if ingested. The day we went was pretty awful, weather-wise, but the food was pretty great. Here are some of the things my friend and ate:

That right there is a chorizo empanada.

How ’bouts some quinoa falafel?

The booth we bought this from was called Sunday Gravy. I was a little hesitant about the whole thing, due to the fact that I’m a bit of a lactard and a glutard. But, oh, word. Chunks of italian sausage and ragu! Oy.

And for dessert? Sorbet-filled mochi! These gluten-free, dairy-free suckers were pretty delicious and super-pretty.  Smorgasburg is every Saturday in the East River State Park, right by the ferry in Williamsburg on N 7th Street and Kent Avenue. It’s open from 10 AM to 5 PM.

The very next day I headed out to the North Fork to begin my internship with 61 Local. Yup, that’s right. I got to travel to two vineyards in the beautiful wine country of Long Island and try out at least fourteen different wines. What an experience! And it all was for school credit. You can read more about it here, but here are some pretty gorgeous pictures from my adventures out there:

Oh yeah, lots of fun. Lots of wine, being somewhere that’s not Brooklyn…it was a great field trip.

I spent the next week relaxing and celebrating my birthday. I’m 22 now, can you believe it? Yeah, I guess I’m still pretty young. That weekend though, I had some of my best guy friends over for a post-graduate dinner. I made a New York strip steak with a balsamic demi-glace, maple-roasted acorn squash rings, sauteed spinach with wine-plumped cranberries and sunflower seeds. This is about what our dinner looked like:

Check out that squash. Soft, sweet with a salty kick. Made from locally-grown gourds, this seasonal sensation was made for your plate. Best of all? There’s not a drop of dairy or nuts. Or really anything that isn’t not dork-friendly. Pretty much…anyone can eat this dish, from dorks to vegans to even the pickiest of eaters. Yeah, it’s that good. Oh, would you like the recipe?

Here it is:

Maple-Roasted Acorn Squash Rings
Serves 4

2 large acorn squash
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1/2 ground cloves
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sea salt

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Slice squash into 1/2″ slivers.
3. Separate the salt and sugar into small bowls or cups for sprinkling. In a bowl, mix together the maple syrup and spices.
4. With a pastry brush, brush  all fleshy, orange parts of squash with maple syrup mixture.
5. Once all squash rings have been coated with the maple mixture, alternate sprinkling salt and sugar over the tops.
6. Pop the rings into the oven for anywhere between 20-25 minutes. Every 7 minutes, take the rings out of the oven and sprinkle more salt and sugar on them.
7. Once the rings are nice, soft and roasty–with some brown spots on them, you know–take them out. Serve hot!

Ohhh, yeah, there’s another side, too. You think I’d be gone for this long and leave you hangin’ with just one recipe? Let’s talk spinach.

It’s a pretty classic “fancy dish”. Spinach with almonds and raisins. But I’m allergic to almonds, and raisins? Raisins are so ’95, and not in a good way.  So, how to dorkify it? We switch to dried cranberries and sunflower seeds. The result? This. Tasty. All the boys ate it, and by “ate”, I obviously mean “scarf”. I was dishing out seconds. Score one for team Dork!

Oh, yeah, the recipe.

Sauteed Baby Spinach with Wine-Plumped Cranberries and Sunflower Seeds

10 cups of baby spinach
1 tbsp olive oil
5 cloves garlic, sliced
1/2 cup roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
1 cup dried cranberries
3/4 cup white wine
Salt, to taste

1. Combine dried cranberries and white wine in a small bowl. Let soak for up to an hour, then drain.
2. In large saucepan, heat up olive oil. Add spinach.
3. Saute until spinach begins to wilt.
4. Toss in cranberries and sunflower seeds. This is the time to season with a little bit of salt.
5. Continue to saute until completely wilted.  Taste and season again, if needed.

And that, my dear friends, is how you get a bunch of dudes to eat some very fancy spinach.

All in all, I’ve been very, very busy. I do hope y’all can forgive me! Now that I’m out of school, I’m really going to try to have at least one recipe, review or SOMETHING a week, just like I used to. Do you have any requests? Send them my way! I’d love a new recipe to dorkify.

xoxo,

FFD

Have y’all ever heard of Jenny Kales? The Nut-Free Mom? I read her blog religiously. Not because I’m a nut-free mom, but because I’m a nut-free lady. She’s got great tips to remind all of the nut allergic the severity of their food issues, and some great recipes. Like, nut-free nutella. I made it and died, mostly because I knew I was about to pack on 7 pounds.

Anyways, we got in touch and she asked me to answer a few questions. I have to admit, I was a liiiitttle starstruck.  But I did it, in spite of a fake hurricane, a fake earthquake and the most intense quarter of culinary school. Here’s the interview for your enjoyment! There are some great tips on how to dine out with food allergies, the woes and pitfalls of a social life with food allergies, and some stupid jokes I make. Alllll right! Read on, dorky!

Nut-Free Mom: What is your experience with food allergies? For example, when did you get diagnosed, what are you allergic to, what reactions have you had?

Ari: Well, it all started underground with a raw bar. A raw bar, which is very tasty, but also comprised solely of nuts and fruit. I had been eating them every day for some time. Since I had recently discovered a gluten intolerance, raw bars became my go-to breakfasts. Anyways, I was munching on one as usual, waiting for the subway. About halfway under the East River, I realized I couldn’t really breathe. I got out at the first stop and took a cab to my doctor’s office, where they deemed me as having an allergic reaction. Benadryl, epi-pen, whole bit. That’s when it all started. All because of a raw bar.

From there, I discovered my peanut allergy. That seemed inevitable after the whole shebang with the tree nuts. Next came soy, which I figured out after consuming a pile of tofu pad thai. At the time, I lived in a loft that shared space with a Thai restaurant, and they’d give me leftover food all the time.

Now, I had to start saying no.

The next summer, while eating a perfectly perfect Dean and Deluca shrimp roll, I suddenly discovered I couldn’t breathe…and threw up all over my co-worker’s lap. Not my proudest moment! I decided to stop with fish too–I couldn’t be too sure about another anaphylactic fit. And a day in school–I go to culinary school– working with fish confirmed that I did indeed have some issues with fishies.

The latest allergies I have discovered are sesame seed and mustard seed. Halvah and dijon mustard respectively, along with a big pancake tongue and hive-y wrists are how I figured out those. I’m still not sure about egg, it seems be more of an intolerance. Needless to say, I’ve got some experience with food allergies.

I’ve learned about most of them through ingestion. RAST tests and prick tests have been inconclusive, and I’m a little sketched by food trials. I’m just gonna stick to not having a swollen tongue and avoid peanuts, tree nuts, soy, sesame, mustard, shellfish and fish!

NMF: Was a culinary career always a goal of yours or did becoming food-allergic prompt you to want to get into this field?

Ari: Hm. Good question. I’ve had a culinary, gourmet lifestyle since I can remember, and I studied sociology and film in school. I knew from day 1 I wanted to do something in media, but I never would have guessed food media to it. Not until that fateful almond croissant! I remember in the hospital, a man visiting his sick wife in the bed next to mine struck up a conversation with me. Not that I remember too much–after all, I was pretty loopy from the Benadryl–but I do remember him saying something to me. After I told him that I was there for an allergic reaction, and calling it a curse, he said, “you must turn your curse into a blessing for all those around you”. And so, I did. The next day, I started Food for Dorks.

So, uh, yeah, I guess an old man and becoming food-allergic prompted me to get into this field.

NMF: Since you see what goes on behind the scenes, what is your best advice to food-allergic diners?

Ari: Ah! So many tips. Warn your waiter before you ask questions, or better yet, call the restaurant ahead of time and ask to speak with the manager about your dining experience. Here are a few questions to ask:

•What kind of oil are you using? Is it walnut oil? Is it sesame oil? Is it vegetable oil? Does that vegetable oil contain soy?
•Are you sauteing or saucing in butter?
•Do you use a roux* for thickening the sauce? Are you mounting** the sauce with a slurry* or butter?
•Are the desserts made in close proximity or stored near those containing nuts?
•Is your deep fryer also used for frying seafood? Dairy?
•Do you dredge*** your fried items in egg?
•Is Worcestershire**** sauce used in the marinade?
The others should come pretty easy to you. You can always google the restaurant’s menu if you want a better idea of what you’re getting into. And, a glossary of the terms I used:
*A roux is a combination of butter and flour cooked together. Typically a classic sauce base, but also used even in tomato sauces.
** Mounting is a process used for thickening a pan sauce, usually with butter.
***Dredging is what’s done to bread items that are fried. More than likely, the restaurant coats the protein in flour, dips it in egg and covers it in breadcrumbs.
****Worcestershire sauce is made from anchovies and soy. Yowza, diner beware!

NMF: What are your culinary career goals?

Ari: My immediate answer is this: I would love to write children’s books about food allergies, articles for food magazines and a few cookbooks as well. I also plan to one day open up a vegan, allergy free sweets and baked goods shop for kids and grown-ups alike here in New York. And of course, I would love to teach cooking lessons to food allergic families. As you can see, my culinary career goals are wide and varied.

The end goal for me, however, is to become a respected figure in the food world, to gain exposure to the public in order to present my hopes and dreams for the food allergic community. I want to be a chef–not a parent, not a doctor, not a health freak– that all food dorks can look up to. I want to show the world that more respect needs to be paid to the food allergic, and that better food handling and labeling practices should become the norm. I would LOVE to speak in front of congress, advise a medical board or even talk to groups of adults and children about how to be awesome and allergic. The rush I get from being an advocate for dorks like us is what keeps me pushing on in all that I do in my career.

NMF: What is it like to be a young adult with food allergies? Is it as hard as some parents worry it will be?

Ari: Most times, I don’t even notice it. But…sometimes, it sucks. It’s not hard to stay safe. What’s hard to deal with is, for example having to leave a clam bake because you’re starting to get itchy, or say no to a birthday cake because it’s got peanut butter frosting. Or having to ask your date if they’ve eaten nuts recently, because you’d rather not have an allergic reaction from a good-night kiss.

Honestly, it’s the social part that’s kind of lame sometimes. But at this age, we’ve got the whole safety part down pat: Ask questions. Carry an epi-pen. When in doubt, don’t eat that. Wash hands. Et cetera, et cetera. We’ve got it down. We just wish we could go to the clam bake and eat our friends’ peanut butter birthday cake and kiss our date good night after he or she ate ice cream.

That’s when we notice it.

Thank you so much to Jenny Kales, The Nut-Free Mom. I had so much fun during my interview. Check out her website here!

It wasn’t that much of a surprise when it happened. In fact, I was expecting it to go down. It wasn’t necessarily a happy thing to happen, but it certainly wasn’t soul-crushing. We were never really that close.  No tears were shed, but there would always be memories of better times for the future.

By the way, I’m not talking about my love life here. That part of my life is almost as pathetically empty as my refrigerator. I’m talking about my break-up with sesame. After discovering my peanut and tree nut allergies, I read somewhere that a sesame allergy was likely in the cards for me. One day, I decided to test it out. You see, the bodega by my house in Brooklyn never really has the kind of candy I want. But it always has halvah, which can be a lovely treat when the mood strikes.  You see, halvah is a candy made from, among other things…sesame. Chocolate-chocolate halvah seemed like the perfect after work pick-me-up. Except for the whole part where after eating it, my tongue swelled into some sort of pancake, and my nightcap ended up being a few doses of liquid Benadryl.

So, imagine me, a few days later, perusing the hummus selections at my local grocery store, with a huge frown on my face. Everything had tahini in it! I later discovered that Trader Joe’s makes an excellent tahini-free hummus, but at that moment, I decided I would have to give up on my favorite dip of all time.  But recently, I had a change of heart. I was going to make my own hummus, darn it!

And so, I set out on various dates with hummus recipes. They were generally good…but generally kind of boring. I wanted something more. Something flashy, that could hold my attention, that would leave me wanting…a-hah! Roasted red peppers. Scratch that, fire-roasted red peppers. And so, I set off to make my own fancy hummus. When it was all done, chilled and ready to serve, I wanted to pat myself on the back. In the least narcissistic way possible, of course. I want to share this recipe with you, especially all you sesametards, because I know you’re missing this crowd pleaser.  You will need:

• 2-3 large red peppers
• 6 cloves peeled garlic
• 1 lemon
• 1 20 oz can, or 1 1/4 cups chickpeas
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• Salt and black pepper, to taste
• 1 1/2 tbsp sunflower seed butter

So, first, grab the peppers. Place them on an open-fire source–perhaps a gas burner on your grill, or on top of your stove. Make sure you’ve got a metal bowl close by, as well as a pair of tongs. Turn up the heat onto the peppers to char them.

Check the side exposed to the fire. You want to make sure it’s very black before turning the peppers with your tongs. They should look like this, and you’ll want them to look like this on all sides:

When all of your peppers are black, place them in the metal bowl,

Cover them up with plastic wrap,

And let them sweat it out in the fridge for 30 minutes or so. After they have sweat it out, you’ll want to take a paper towel and remove the crispy parts. They should look like so:

Remove the stems, seeds and chop into medium strips.

Set aside in small bowl. Next, peel your garlic and mince finely.

Next, you’ll want to juice a lemon. One lemon should give you about a quarter cup, which is just how much you’ll need.

Set the lemon juice, chopped peppers and minced garlic aside. Set a large pot of salted water (I used bouillon instead!) to boil. Wash and drain your chickpeas, and drop the peas into the boiling water. Cook until tender.

Once the chickpeas are tender, drain them. Place them inside a food processor, along with the lemon juice, roasted red peppers, garlic, sunflower seed butter and olive oil. Run until smooth. Taste and season accordingly with lemon juice, salt and pepper! Your final product should look like this:

Chill for up to 24 hours. Serve with your favorite allergy-friendly chips and veggie for a dorky snack, or even whip up a batch before your next soiree. Your guests won’t be able to tell the difference, and you’ll have a safe, sesame-free snack to munch on!

• This dish is soy-free.
• Peanuts and tree nuts are not in this dish, either.
• No milk. No eggs.
• Sesame-free, duh.
• Absolutely seafood free–no fish or shellfish.
• Vegan! Hey-oh!
• And of course, it’s wheat and gluten-free.

This heat wave has been brutal. In New York, you can’t escape the heat. It’s everywhere! On the train you take to work, in the bodega where you buy your gatorade, even the moment you step outside your apartment, you begin to melt. Summers like these require all sorts of rituals : three cold showers a day. Lots and lots of Mo-Town. Popsicles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And at this rate, I’m pretty sure my hair is going to grow in the shape of a sloppy topknot. But there’s one thing missing from my New York summer: Sonic.

Sonic is a Southern summer staple. Maybe it’s one everywhere else but New York City. Unfortunately, the nearest Sonic is in New Jersey. Okay, so apparently not in Brooklyn. Anyways, I grew up drinking those syrupy, snowy slushes every summer. Watermelon, powerade, sour apple. The occasional cream slush. GAH! I get sad just thinking about the big empty hole in my summer life where Sonic used to be.

After wallowing, I realized I could probably recreate these drinks at home.

Duh.

Not only could I recreate them, but I could make them all incredibly dork-friendly. I set out with a  six-pound watermelon, a carton of coconut sorbet, and a refrigerator of other provisions, I set out to create my own twists on the slushes I grew up loving. They’re all simple to make, and perfect to enjoy anywhere–whether it’s your backyard in Santa Monica, your front porch in Savannah, or  your fire escape right here in Brooklyn. Here are the steps to achieving iced nirvana with your very own blender.

THE GATORADE SLUSH

This is my personal post-long bike ride drink. It’s embarrassingly easy to make. And it’s refreshingly easy to drink. Sonic makes a similar drink with Powerade, but myself…I’m quite partial to the Floridian variety.

In a blender, combine:

• 2 cups gatorade of choice
• 2 cups ice.

BZZZZZ! Blend well. Sip slow, enjoy the electrolytes. I always drink this after a long bike ride or after a day of boogie boarding!

DAIRY-FREE ROOT BEER CREAM SLUSH

When I gave up the decision to give up dairy–I’m sorry, when dairy made the decision to give me up–I figured the sweets department wouldn’t be too hard. After all, coconuts are the new cows. At least in my refrigerator.

Imagine the sweet serendipity of purchasing both coconut sorbet, root beer and a new blender. And imagine, a bored Southern girl, lamenting in her apartment for a classic cream slush. DING!

Dork it up, add some ice, and we’ve got a dairy-free, allergy-friendly drink made for a sweet snack.

You’ll need:

1 can (12 oz) of regular or diet root beer
1/2 cup plain coconut ice cream (or other dairy-free, vanilla ice cream)
1 1/2 cups ice

Blend well. Add straw. Bing! Perfect, I promise.

WATERMELON MINT SMOOTHIE

Here in New York, bubble tea cafes dot downtown Manhattan. With their crazy-sounding drinks, and of course, tapioca balls, their smoothie and tea menus are often overlooked. On a day with no tapioca balls at my favorite bubble tea spot,  I was forced by fate to check out the other options. And so, I stumbled upon a watermelon smoothie. Literally just watermelon and ice. No dairy. Nothing.  Ridiculous! Too easy. I put my parents onto the drink, as well as a handful of friends. Needless to say, the drink became quite popular.

One sleepless, hot night, I randomly threw in a handful of mint. After one gulp, it was set: watermelon mint smoothies are the official drink of Summer 2011.

To make this perfect drink, you will need:

1 1/2 cups watermelon
1 cup ice
1 tablespoon chopped mint

You know the drill: blend, blend away. Then sip, sip away…

CHOCOLATE NO-MILKSHAKE

I’m not going to lie: the idea of a full-on milkshake kind of makes me nauseous. I can’t even stomach the idea of the pain that might follow after consuming one, oh lord! Ow. I’m doubling over just thinking about it.

One day, I was thinking about it, as I stared into a bodega cooler full of strawberry and chocolate milk. And then, like a shining beacon, was Zico’s Chocolate Coconut Water. I was all like:

So basically, I bought two bottles. I barely remember what the first one tasted like, because after the first sip, I downed the entire bottle. Yeah, that good. The second one, however, stayed in my fridge until the craving for chocolate and ice struck again. And, I took to the blender again.

You’ll need:

1 bottle of Chocolate coconut water
1 cup of coconut or other non-dairy vanilla ice cream
1 1/2 cups ice.

You know, hit “pulse” and blend away, baby!

All of these recipes are totally dork-friendly, so easy to make, and sure to quench any Southern (or Yankee, or Midwestern, or West Coaster) sweet, freezy tooth. I promise that you’ll be making these dorky drinks for the rest of the summer. Really.

These recipes are:

• peanut and tree nut free. soy free, too!
• fish and shellfish free…obviously.
• no eggs! no dairy! yes people, these recipes are VEGAN!
• oh, and of course…no wheat. hello!

Have I died and gone to heaven? I swear, it’s like someone’s been listening to my thoughts and finally did something about it. I can’t believe this. Zero calorie noodles. No soy, no gluten, no nothing. Just…noodles. If I could draw a food pyramid of what I eat, the bottom half would be a lot of tomato sauce, a lot of nutritional yeast, and a whole lotta gluten-free noodles. So, imagine the look on my face when my best friend Laura brought me these. I was in awe.

“This can’t be real life,” I tell her.

“Oh, no, yes it is, girl,” she assures me.

I threw the packs of noodles into my cupboard and forgot about them. In fact, I totally forgot about them until one night, I came home hungry, and feeling a little guilty for all the Babycakes I had eaten earlier.  After a mindless, five minute long rustle in my cupboards, I pulled these out. Once again, I stared at them in shock and awe. A bit of disbelief.

Calorie-free. Nut, seafood, soy, gluten, everything-free. There’s gotta be  a catch, I thought.

After setting up a pot to boil, I pulled open the package and drained the noodles, rinsing them well. Ah-hah! There’s the catch. A weird, fishy smell washed over me. Note to self, I thought. Breathe through mouth.

In the noodles went to the boiling water. I cooked them for a bit, just to blanch them. Then, the standard procedure: drain, rinse, add nutritional yeast and pasta sprinkle, drench in sauce.

And so, I took a bite. And another. Until I was looking like this:

Yup. The texture is a bit chewy, but if you’ve been eating gluten-free pasta, it won’t bother you. It absorbs the flavors of the sauce and whatever you douse the noodles in. Whether it’s tomato sauce, soy-free sauce or anything else you put your palate to, it’s so easy to make! Even for the least dorkiest of the food world, you can find some way to incorporate Miracle Noodle into your diet. And if you are any kind of food dork, these noodles belong in your cabinet–they’re hypoallergenic, after all! A must for all of us.

Gets the “amazeballs” rating from Food for Dorks, that’s for sure. There are no calories, which is great for those of us trying to lose  or just maintain our weight. But even better, it’s free of the top eight major allergens. And that makes Miracle Noodle the over-achieving prom queen of the pasta world.

You can buy Miracle Noodle online, directly from the manufacturer or Amazon. Here’s a store list, too, in case you’re an old-fashioned gal or guy.

Enjoy!